New Goal

Beautiful gorgeous weather, the kind that you see in the sailing magazines. The sun looks like it is dancing all over the water. The sky is huge and crystal clear blue. The nights are star filled. I love sailing wing on wing. It seems so picturesque. I love the feeling of the wind pushing us forward and surfing down the waves. I am not silly enough to think that the next 20 some days are going to all be like this but man it is so nice to start a journey like this without...fear.

I still see him waiting in the hall though...and there are moments when he tries to creep in. I read a book recently that had a line in it that unfortunately has stuck in my brain and I can't seem to shake it. It was about this woman who sailed solo around the world nonstop. She said that if you felt fear being out here then you shouldn't be here. Yikes. I read the line and re read it. I was disappointed because so much of her book inspired me and then I came to this one line that I couldn't relate to. I tried to twist it in my head and thought things like …it wasn't fear that I felt but rather anxiety…..ok it didn't last long….I couldn't fool myself or anyone else for that matter. There are moments that I do feel fear out here….you all laugh in unison…..Obviously the more I learn the feeling lessens but it is still there sometimes full tilt with my legs shaking and other times lingering in the hall…. so…I did what I do with most things I read I kept the parts I liked and tried to do away with the rest of it……just wish I could rid myself of that one line because damn it...fear is present in most things I do. If I never did anything because I had fear then my life would be VERY different. I would never have packed up my 2 door Honda civic at 18 and moved to Edmonton with a guy I just met 3 months earlier and started my life with him. Ok....enough about that..you can imagine I have lots of time to think out here.

The watch schedule is going well and we are all trying to get adjusted to our interrupted sleep patterns. Everyone is a bit short tempered at the end of their night shift. I decided today that I would try and go the whole day without swearing….just realized I used the d word above…oops…ok..starting now. Last night the wind shifted angles on us again and Graham decided it was best if we did change the pole and preventer over to the other side of the boat at 2:30am in the morning. Alex's shift ended at 2am but Graham had asked him to stay up to help and he woke me up to help, so already we were not in the best of moods. It is a bit stressful with Graham at the front of the boat maneuvering lines and poles in the dark and trying to yell out what we should do with the wind against him. Things didn't go as smoothly as the day previous and it took us 3 tries to get everything all sorted out correctly. I get so frustrated with myself for not being quick enough or grabbing the wrong lines. I seem to cope by dropping an "f bomb" or two...yup...not perfect. So today is a new day with a new goal. Graham asked if I would like his help in remembering. LOL...gotta love him. Made me laugh.

Amelia did our hair yesterday. We decided we didn't want to arrive with a rat's nest, so we bought a few wide tooth combs and have a spray bottle and some conditioner in the cockpit. She brushed my hair out and braided it and did the same to hers. I looked just like Pipi Longstocking...I would have preferred the Jennifer Aniston look but such are the cards I was dealt. LOl. I even had the multi coloured Christmas socks on in true Pipi fashion.

Meals have been good onboard but this morning we were looking forward to a box of what I thought was Spanish cream of wheat but once Graham had it cooked up we realized it was most likely pablum (baby cereal)…needless to say pretty mushy and not at all that pleasing.

We checked the weather files and unfortunately it looks like there are very high seas coming our way in a couple of days. It looks like about 4 to 5 meters waves. We have had much discussion on which way to go to try and avoid this. It doesn't seem though that we are ever successful at trying to outwit the weather. We are also wondering if since the intervals of the waves are 10 seconds if it won't be that bad. Lots to talk about anyway. Our plan for now is to carryon on down wind to the South West at a heading of about 235. We will keep watching the weather and decide when to make our turn to the West to set a course for Antigua.

Well time to wake up Alex for his daytime shift. Enjoy the day.