Girl who makes the curry

We keep coming back to the ocean. Each night we pull into a new campsite and off in the distance I hear her.....Mother Ocean. I feel a twinge of sadness but I am called to go and see her. As I stand on the edge I ache with sadness....the realization that we don't live on the ocean anymore sinks in. We are officially tourist. We aren't "those" people anymore. The froth of the ocean comes close to my toes and I jump back. The sun begins to set and I need to walk away. This isn't my life anymore. I don't want to remember the ocean as a visitor, I want to keep my memories intact of nights alone with Mother in the cockpit.....I am crying now...I remember...

Who knew this would be so hard? It is funny how easy it seems for the other 3 members of my family? I am moody and anxious. I feel lost. I feel so much....I probably just need a good long talk with Rob. He would bring me to my senses. A little..."suck it up buttercup" therapy. Life is exciting now and we have so many opportunities before us. We are lucky.

I seem to be examining every aspect of my life with a fine tooth comb. I feel like I need to justify my existence. I feel like I need purpose.

Graham made curry the other night and I went through all our bags and gathered together all the ingredients and brought them to the picnic table. I chopped the cabbage, carrots, green onions, cashews and onions. I opened all the cans...mandarins and coconut cream. I held the fry pan as he stirred the ingredients and arrange the bowls so he could easily dish out our servings. As everyone ate the curry they remarked how this was Graham's "best curry ever". Everyone seemed to go on and on about "Graham's" amazing curry. I sat back and listened and I realized that I was just the girl who cut the vegetables. I have so much to think about. I seem to be searching these last few days for something. Not sure what....I am thinking these feelings are familiar....each time we close a chapter of our life and begin something new I am sure I go through the same self reflection.....I think I want to be the girl who makes the curry......not sure yet.....I do enjoy organizing our life and planning things out but this means I will never be the "girl who makes the curry"....hmmmmm....lots to ponder as we travel about New Zealand saying good bye over and over again to Mother Ocean....

I have probably shared to much but I have been nothing if not honest with this blog. Our adventure on the sea has come to an end and I am just me....just as I was and am....

ps...I have had a few days to ponder this entry before posting and you know what....Graham and I make one heck of a team. I am so looking forward to returning home and I am going to embrace planning and organizing our life and helping turn our dreams and goals into reality; whether that means making the curry or cutting the vegetables. I sent this blog to Rob before I posted it and he said all the right things.....his exact words were..."..you make the curry in life"!