Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way

“Are we all going to get in there?” Alex’s friend Leo asked. The kids, their friends (Mira and Leo) and I had just arrived from the airport in the dark, yet again at another dinghy dock which was falling apart located directly in-between the two hovering Pitons.  The dock was really high and we all looked down to Graham who was welcoming us in the dinghy with his red light head lamp on. He was trying to hold the dinghy off from the dock so it didn't slip under. We passed all four bags down; Amelia climbed down, then Mira, then Alex and then this is when Leo must have thought….. "Omg we are all getting in this tiny boat in the dark." Everyone passed this first test with flying colors, all luggage and people safely in the dinghy and safely transported to Salty Ginger!

Once on-board, the full tour happened. Mira and Leo are pretty much complete opposites. Mira was filled with questions and seemed to want to soak up every drop of the experience. Leo seemed content to just go with the flow and let the experiences happen. It was so great to have both perspectives on board.

The kids made the most of the week, spending their time on the beach, hiking, waterfalls, snorkeling, sailing, swimming, kayaking, late night boat parties and hanging out with new friends. My favorite time with them all was the day we took them on a challenging hike to the Sulphur Springs Volcano Park. The hike was only about 10k but was either straight up or straight down. We were able to challenge ourselves and see some truly amazingly beautiful things. Throughout the hike, walking partners changed and we had the opportunity to visit with each other. At one point I was telling Mira how challenging I found it to go up hill and she said to me, “Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way.” This small sentence hit me. It keeps turning up in my thoughts each day. I am really trying to weave this into those activities that I think I am not “good at”.

Another thing I enjoyed was Leo’s story telling. He can paint a picture like no other and his wit and sense of humor were really enjoyable. It was nice for us all to linger after meals and share tidbits of our lives.

For their last two days we took Salty Ginger to dock, so that the kids could have a bit of freedom and enjoy the pool and hot showers. Well the kids did make the most of it. On their last full day the kids had left the boat at noon to go for a swim at the pool and hang out. At about 5pm, Graham and I were surprised no one had returned yet, so we decided to wander down and see what they were up to. We were amused in finding them all at the local cruiser pub involved in a huge team games event. There were the four of them in the middle of the party with their team name “Salty-ettes” on the game board and they were dancing up a storm. We were a bit shocked but also really happy to see them having so much fun. Everyone seemed to love them and they had made a ton of new friends.

At about 6pm, they all came back to the boat and Graham and I were in the cockpit having our sundowners. The four of them sat down across from us on one side of the cockpit. I realized pretty quickly they were there to ask us something. The new friends they had made were heading to the beach in an hour to hang out for the evening and the kids wanted to join them. They had it all worked out. One of the parents had agreed to drive them there and return them by 12:30 pm. They said they could take the cell phone and the vhf radio and call if they had any problems and that they would stay together. I sat there across from them totally torn. I wanted the party to keep going for them. I could see how happy they were but I wanted to be sure that the situation was safe and that it was a good idea. Parenting is hard and seems to get harder the older they get. It also was more challenging have all four of them giving their perspectives. Eventually after Graham and I had weighed all the factors and perspectives, we decided to let them go with many conditions and caveats and not after a “heated” discussion ;-).

They were all back home by 12 pm and according to Alex it was one of the best days of his life. That evening as I waited for them, I reflected on our discussion. For me 18 feels like yesterday. I remember feeling such a sense of freedom, belonging and happiness hanging with my friends. I want them to have this. I want to let go enough for them to taste this freedom and prepare them for life. Given that 18 seems like yesterday though I remember that they won't always make the best choices. That sometimes they will put themselves at risk. That sometimes they won't assess a situation correctly. These memories for me both good and bad are the stories I tell now. I want them to have stories but now as their mom I also want or rather need them to be safe. The need to keep them safe is the most powerful feeling I have ever felt. I have a constant inner battle with myself to allow them the right amount of freedom for their age while balancing safety. My need to mother is strong but my 18 year old self is trying to balance this out ;-).

Leo and Mira are now back home and already missed! Spring break 2015 will be one all four of the kids will not soon forget. Thank you to you both for being wonderful boat guests.

We sailed to Martinique yesterday for a pit stop on our way back to explore Dominica. Our friends the “Gromit’s” are about halfway to us from South Africa. The plan is for us all to meet in Guadeloupe. I am thinking this will be around April 10th or so. Check out their position reports map at: http://www2.winlink.org:8081/maps/PositionReports.aspx?callsign=VE3MZL&title=Position%20Reports%20for%20VE3MZL.  They are amazing and soon will have completed their circumnavigation! So strange to remember us all starting out way back in 2008 together and now soon to be together again. I am so excited to be there with them as they cross their “round the world” finish line.

Freedom

Sitting across from you, listening to you plead and negotiate your case for going to a party I can't help but feel that I am on the wrong side of the bench. I feel like I am you but now I am responsible for you. I feel the weight of this responsibility moment to moment and ever since I first realized you were there. Being responsible for shaping, nurturing, guiding and caring for you both is the most important thing I will ever do.

The strange part is that I don't have a degree in parenting. I don't have a set of rules and guidelines to follow. Things I might find successful for one of you, don't necessarily work with the other. I am just figuring it out as I go.

The other factor that make this job even more challenging is that I share this responsibility with your Dad. We need to come to an agreement on our decisions and choices, making it even more complex.

I am you though. Please don't forget that. For me 18 feels like yesterday. I remember feeling such a sense of freedom, belonging and happiness hanging with my friends. I want you to have this. I want to let go enough for you to taste this freedom and prepare you for flight. Given that 18 seems like yesterday though I remember that you won't always make the best choices. That sometimes you will put yourself at risk. That sometimes you won't assess a situation correctly. These memories for me both good and bad are the stories I tell now. I want you to have stories but now as your mom I also want or rather need you to be safe.

The need to keep you safe is the most powerful feeling I have ever felt. I have a constant inner battle with myself to allow you the right amount of freedom for your age while balancing safety. I know I have to let go enough for you to begin to take up the job of being responsible for yourself.

I don't want to be cliché but the decisions I make for you are truly because I love you. That doesn't mean they are always right but they come from a good place.

I ask for your understanding and acknowledgement of my effort. I am not always going to get it right. There are so many times when I still feel 18 myself and I am parenting two teenagers.

I kind of always thought things would get easier as you got older but they are harder. The consequences of the decisions I make have a bigger impact and I feel the increased responsibility. I fear the loss of your love or respect.

I guess I am trying to lay my cards on the table. I have stood in your shoes but you haven't yet stood in mine. I wanted to share enough with you that you might be able to feel a bit of the weight of the responsibility I feel.

These are some of the best years of your life. I am so excited for you both and a bit envious. Freedom is such a wonderful feeling. Please just don't forget that with that freedom I am handing you the reigns of responsibility and I need to feel that you got it. This is no easy task for me. My need to mother is strong but my 18 year old self is trying to balance this out.

I know this job could have been harder. I am lucky to have the two of you for kids. I am overwhelmingly proud of the people you are, the choices you make and the company you keep.

Being your mom is not only the most important thing I will ever do but also the best thing. I love you both.

What do you like about living on a boat?

People often ask me this and the funny thing is that the things I like become the things I dislike after a while. I guess this is why Graham and I decided to do this off and on rather than full time. When I am in the city I look forward to returning to the boat and the simplicity of it all and when I am on the boat I look forward to the hustle and bustle of city life. For now though (for the most part ;-)) I am still enjoying boat life.

I like that I don’t have to spend a bunch of time primping each day. No more blow dryer and hair straightener or makeup and no more thinking about what to wear and ironing clothes and pushing my feet into high heels. I also love that I don’t have to be constantly on the go and no more TTC!

I really like the feeling of reducing my footprint and being self-sustaining, making our own power and water. I like travelling with our home and planning where to stay and for how long. I love waking up somewhere new.

I like organizing and managing our life on the boat. I like that everything has a place and nothing seems to go to waste. We plan our meals and leftovers are incorporated into the next day’s meal plan. I actually enjoy cooking and baking on the boat? Go figure…

I feel a deeper connection to the outdoors when we are on the boat. We spend most of our time outside and have a range of activities we do, from hiking to kayaking and snorkeling.

Best of all I like being in my floating home with Graham and the kids. I enjoy spending time with them all together. We all sit down to meals and enjoy more moments together than in the city. They make me smile and help me focus on what’s important.

I imagine if I was to write a blog in 4 months titled “What don’t you like about living on a boat?”, it would be the exact opposite of everything I have written above. Funny how life works. For now though I am basking in my current role as Project Manager of Salty Ginger.

We are currently anchored in between the Pitons in St. Lucia. I don’t think you could find a more perfect spot. The energy from the towering Pitons is powerful and peaceful. We were here six years ago and met a number of our closest cruiser friends here, so many good memories. Tomorrow the kids each have a friend arriving for March break. We are all very excited for another week of vacation mode. All the laundry is done and groceries are bought. The weather looks like it is going to be perfect. We can’t wait to share all the wonderful things about boat life with them ;-).

Magic Happened

Rob arrived on Friday night and we decided that barbecue burgers and classic potato salad were a must for his arrival to summer. The kids and I picked him up at the airport and Graham met us at the old decrepit dinghy dock in the dark. Rob didn't seem phased at all and away we all raced across the water to Salty Ginger.

Once we were all on board together it was as if magic happened. Our home was instantly transformed into a floating cottage and we were all in "vaca" mode. We enjoyed a week of non stop barbecues and sunsets. We toured the gorgeous island in our rented car and lounged and picnicked on the beach just off our bow. Our evenings were spent in heated matches of Scrabble and Risk. What's a holiday without a few board game fights ;-)?

As a treat Rob took us for a 5 star meal one night and it was a perfect evening. The waiter described each of the items on the menu as we all sat there drooling. He explained that his father was the chef and that he had grown up on all of the tasty food we would be experiencing. He asked what we liked and recommended seafood dishes perfectly suited to us. Each of our meals were stellar and an "experience" just as he promised. After such exquisite meals we knew we had to have dessert and we were not disappointed. We each ordered something different and forks were crossing the table until every last bite was gone from each of our plates. Everything was so beautifully presented, delicious and served with such care that it made the whole night so special. The restaurant was called Le Mabouya (http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g657860-d4041871-Reviews-Le_Mabouya-Sainte_Luce_Arrondissement_of_Le_Marin_Martinique.html).

Rob seemed to enjoy boat life and no signs of seasickness. He did ask if we minded the motion and we all said, "What motion?". Then Graham pointed to the hanging fruit basket that was swinging ;-)....we don't even notice the motion anymore. Thanks to the water maker showers were also allowed but were a bit chilly. We asked what most surprised him about our life on board and he said it was how we eat. He had thought that with a smaller kitchen we might not have been able to cook as we normally do but it seemed we were eating better. True story - "Cruising and Cooking" go hand and hand.

The week came to an end way to quickly but everything on a holiday checklist was crossed off - beer drinking, over eating, lounging in the sun, playing board games including family feuds, exploring new places, enjoying sunsets and R&R.

Miss you already Rob. I set the table for 5 the next day and didn't notice until we all sat down without you :-(. Hope to see you again on this journey.

Seaweed in the Cockpit

We finally all decided on a sail plan for the next few weeks and left Iles Des Saintes on Tuesday, Feb 24th destined for Dominica. The weather has been very windy but the trusted cruiser weatherman "Chris Parker" and Graham of course, predicted 1 maybe 2 days of manageable wind to sail. The sail took 3 hours and I guess could be described as manageable but not enjoyable. I was exhausted.

The bay we arrived at in Dominica was very cool. The island seemed to be straight out of Jurassic Park. Everything so green and larger than life. We got anchored and plugged in the wifi antenna and we all crossed our fingers and held our breath for a strong free internet connection and yippeee!!!! The perfect anchorage....strange wonderful new land to explore and internet ;-).

In my email was a message waiting from Rob saying that he had booked a flight to St. Lucia arriving in 3 days and not to worry he would just take a ferry to which ever island we were on. We quickly did some research and ferry schedules to Dominica were not good and given the high winds he might be done with boats by the time he reached us. We checked island hopper flights and no luck there either. We decided to sail to the end of the island, get a good night sleep and then leave first light for Martinique which has many island hopper flights  and is the next island in the chain right beside St.Lucia. Luckily we had just enough time to get tied up to a mooring ball before the sun had totally faded. We slept well that night.

At the crack of dawn we took off for Martinique. I was nervous because winds and waves were higher and our sailing guide spoke of catamarans capsizing due to funnel winds as you left the lee of the island.

The next four hours were insane. The waves were so high and some rolling. Graham had plenty of sail out because he said we needed more power to get through the waves. The boat was heeled over to a point that I have never sailed at consistently and then a wave would knock us even further over. For the first time in Salty Ginger history seaweed was in the cockpit. Water blasted at us from everywhere. Alex sat on the low side working the jib sheet and he said he was shocked how submersed we were in water. We had to have the door in as water was even under the dodger.

So stressful. No one really spoke except when we needed to maneuver. It was difficult to hear each other with the wind. Due to the length of the sail I hadn't set up the tethers in the cockpit. I will not make that mistake again. I was terrified we would lose someone. Luckily all we lost was Graham's beloved Tilly hat. He stood at the back at the helm on the high side and had to hold on the back pole and rail to stay put and we watched as it instantly was swallowed up by the huge waves.

I won't lie to you. I did lose it briefly and begged Alex to put his tether on and attach it to the deck jack-lines. He reluctantly agreed.

Graham was counting down the miles to us as each passed. Finally we reached the lee of Martinique and the wind and waves were blocked by the island. I can't tell you what a huge feeling of relief that was. Muscles I didn't know I had were "un"clenching. The boat settled out and sailed quickly, quietly and beautifully on the calm waters. Amelia joined us and her eagle eyes spotted something jumping way off in the distance. We all tried to see what she had seen. Suddenly we could see many pods of dolphins leaping through the water towards us. We began to whistle and cheer and they surrounded us performing their acrobatics. The past 4 hours disappeared and the four of us sat together watching feeling complete joy.

We found a beautiful anchorage in the main bay of Martinique which would be perfect for Rob's visit. We figured out the flight schedules and car rentals and prepared the boat for an awesome week.

We all really want a way to say thank you to Rob for always opening his home to us before we leave on a trip and when we return. I am trying to make his visit to SG like a visit to a resort....minus the hot water and solid ground ;-)...stay tuned.